In loving memory.

"You're a fine gentleman.
With a cool head on your shoulders.
This was never meant to happen.
They just fast forwarded your ending.

No one, no one wants to live without you.
And right now I just cannot forget you.
But we move on, 'cause we have to.
So we move on, it's what you'd do'

Don't cry yet, don't cry yet, don't cry yet.
Till you've been laid to rest, been laid to rest.

Now the whole world's on your shoulders.
Little brother of mine.
With a cheap smile on the outside.
And a fire burning inside.

But we move on, 'cause we have to.
So we move on, it's what you'd do.

Don't cry yet, don't cry yet, don't cry yet.
Till you've been laid to rest, been laid to rest."

welcome to the new administration.

'This is where we stop pretending.
Lets move towards amending.

Well I'm amazed (I saw you coming all of this time)
Well I'm amazed (I once saw you before I was blind)"

It's not perfect yet, but we'll get there.

I'm constantly to-and-fro'ing between anchors. I can't decide. And all the choices I have to make don't even amount to what I really want. Why does it happen like this? I am an island slowly drifting away from the continent, all the while others move closer towards them.

Night, take me on a journey through time and space (and sound), I need this - I need to escape.
Sweet dreams.

watermelon smiles.

Saw Panic tonight.
Pretty much just made me want to be on the other side of the barrier on the stage, singing to everyone's smiling faces.
The lights were pretty, when they came on it felt like they were in a magical forest and when they launched bubbles I remember saying 'I wish I was stoned right now'.
Up against the barrier I touched Gabe and Beckett but just for the novelty of it. Not really because I enjoy the occasional sweaty grown man or two.
'Snakes On a Plane' just made me crave a little bit of Samuel L. Jackson.
Panic's drummer Spencer got a Sinking Sea wristband, but either he was too far away or my eyesight is terrible, but I couldn't tell if he was wearing it on stage. Rove tomorrow night, or tonight rather since it is Sunday already, and I'll scope if he still has it. Can't wait to see Rove, Hamish and Andy, and Peter Heliar.
Quote of the day:
'Are you Matty from The Sinking Sea?'
My privacy is gradually deserting me like exercise, fruits and vegetables desert a fat person's lifestyle.

Something on the tip of my tongue or the back of my mind is holding me back. I can't place a finger on it. I'm treating my body like shit, hopefully gym tomorrow will save me.

I'll sleep on it.

Lifting alone.

" The long days, the long nights
when you were never home
I'm sleeping by the phone.

The right smile, for the wrong girl,
did you think that this was right?
You're wasting all my time.

It's so bright, the golden light,
I hear distant lullabies,
that say everything's alright.

And sorry, don't worry,
were the excuses from your mouth,
but hell I'm still in doubt. "

my beginning

The start of something new.
I've decided that I don't take enough pictures, and have never had a journal or diary or anything. So this is my attempt to make up for it. This is for my thoughts, dreams, and all the other shit between (yep I'm tough I swear in blogs).
To draw a comparison to this bio from a band called Ellington:


'In five, ten, fifteen years you're racing through all your old CD’s and you find an Ellington record so you decide to give it one last spin, for memories sake. All of a sudden every moment, good or bad comes flooding back like it was just yesterday.'


In a nutshell (not cashew/ walnut/ pistachio/ brazil/ pecan/ macadamia nuts as much to everyone's disbelief, I do in fact have a weakness - I'm allergic to most nuts), I'm pretty much doing this for myself (and anyone else who actually wants to read about my life) and I'm doing the blog version of that Ellington thing up there. But if in fifteen years I'm looking back at my life and reading a blog, readers please shoot me because at that point in life, I probably would have made a lot of wrong decisions and am probably sleeping in a gutter with a laptop as a blanket (laptops are the new blankets in fifteen years) so just make it easy and end it. This is more suited to perhaps in a couple months when I feel like reading old posts so I can reminisce about the 'good ol' days', when petrol was a mere $1.44 when I filled up today.

Enough of why this blog is up.
It's been a pretty tough week, full of disappointments. Got too many assignments to do and a big lack of motivation/time/effort.
Had a few tough obstacles with the band and shows. A lot of disappointments (both people and events) but its a learning curve and I'm pretty sure I'm becoming pretty good friends with disappointment. Probably end up great friends and I'll take it out to dinner, get it drunk and hopefully move on to the 'clothing optional' part of the evening and take advantage like a real man does (joking i swear).

Saw an old friend today. He looked so different. Been eating terribly, I've had 2 good meals in the last 4 or 5 days. The rest has been junk food. My body feels terrible and its yelling at me right now. Keep on getting cramps in my legs. Can't stop spinning Paper Rival's EP in my car. Alabama and Pacing the Cage are so addictive. Probably going to fall asleep at the wheel any day now.

It's hard to sleep - everytime Xander my kitten thinks its funny to bring his latest little toy he's scavenged from around the house into my room, and has an epic battle with it (think this but kitten vs bottle cap), jumping off bookshelves and desks and my bed.

Go see 'Definetely Maybe'. Ryan Reynolds would make the best dad. The little girl who I've heard is from 'Little Miss Sunshine' is soooooo cute.

This 'living' thing kind of gets hard. I've been falling and a few specials have been picking me up. They know who they are. Tonight was special.
But in the end, I feel like they can only do so much.

'Catch yourself, catch yourself.
When others aren't enough.
When lovers aren't enough.
Catch yourself, catch yourself.'

Goodnight.