maybe i'm a spaceman, a little less complacent how about it?
maybe i'll fight the fires, save you from a building how about it?
maybe i'm a doctor, your little operator how about it?
maybe i'm a virus, kiss me i'm contagious how about it?
baby when you turn off the lights,
i see all of the colours inside. of you. and me.
well when i'm dreaming of ways to get to the moon,
and i'm falling asleep on top of the roof.
with you. its a truth.
oh dear how the times they have changed.
but who gives a damn we're not acting our age.
oh how the times have changed.
baby when you turn off all the lights,
i see all of the colours you have inside.
well when i'm dreaming of ways to get to the moon,
and i'm falling asleep on top of the roof.
with you. its a truth.
maybe i'm a spaceman, a little less complacent how about it?
maybe i'll fight the fires, save you from a building how about it?
maybe i'm a doctor, your little operator how about it?
maybe i'm a virus, kiss me i'm contagious how about it?
maybe i'm a spaceman, a little less complacent how about it?
well when i'm dreaming of ways to get to the moon,
and i'm falling asleep on top of the roof.
with you. its a truth...."
merry christmas, my fingers and throat are sore, but i'm excited.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
what a beautiful suprise.
the august rush is screaming through my head and i can hear only notes, high ones, low ones, soft and loud. i think my life has been changed just that tiny bit, my heart is full, my hands, trembling. its too late to play music but the child inside of me just wants to open the door and run towards it.
goodnight starlights, im floating.
"hallelujah."
goodnight starlights, im floating.
"hallelujah."
Friday, October 17, 2008
tired and uninspired.
i'm tired of impressing people. i'm tired of making people happy while forgetting myself. i'm tired of making efforts when i'm just some boy urinating on an electric fence, excuse the imagery.
i had a trial shift at knox for san churro. it was fun, the people are really friendly and it seems like a pretty cool job. i hope they keep me on and hire me.
life is okay.
i had a trial shift at knox for san churro. it was fun, the people are really friendly and it seems like a pretty cool job. i hope they keep me on and hire me.
life is okay.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
a place where the bottles are full and the girls are empty.
its been a while.
my minds been too scattered and unorganised lately like a splatter of stars in a racing galaxy.
adding to this is like spilling my thoughts and caressing my thoughts future past and present into a malleable form. i like the way it feels to pour my thoughts into the keyboard and lift the weight of the world off of my shoulders and chest.
i keep on hurting myself in stupid ways lately. yesterday i burnt my mouth on the baked beans and toast i made myself for dinner. haha yep, im man enough to call that dinner. after 6 pieces of toast i was convinced it was enough. earlier that day i also stacked in my room trying to walk over my bed - my foot got hooked on my bed sheets like hard drugs and i ended up on my bedroom floor wondering why in 18 years i could never get the hang of walking properly.
still flying that flag for the lonely and it just feels like im a bag with a whole in the bottom. and i just keep on feeling empty and drained.
i worked all last week, and i should be getting my bank filled by lots of money so i can roll in it.
after the grand final on saturday i'm kinda disappointed that geelong didn't win. gary ablett jr is such a freak at football, his team deserved to win. i just dont like buddy franklin at all, i just dont like his vibe at all.
went to prahran hotel for the work party on sunday. never drinking again. free drinks all afternoon and i became too friendly with 2 shots of bacardi 151. it smelt like metho and burnt like fire in my mouth. everyone who i bring it up with knows that its pretty much just a guarantee to be spending the next hour kneeling in a cubicle throwing up. i passed out in a bed and tried to hard to throw up though. luckily im made of steel and managed to hold it all in.
played the biggest show yet, with the getaway plan last friday.
was pretty breathtaking. the overwhelming thing was the screams of people in between the starts and ends of songs. the sound up on stage wasn't too great though, the sound i got back tended to be all warped and judging the right key was so difficult. think it showed from the feedback that the vocals were a bit off. ups and downs. no matter, the performance was a step up i think. got some amazing photos that i still cannot believe are of me when i look at them.
i felt such a rush up on that stage last friday. my heart was racing, my heartrate jacked up so high. i wore the rush like a jumper afterwards and i didnt even feel the cold outside. it felt amazing to see the familiar faces along with some new ones, singing back the words to me. some of the words wrong, haha but still singing behind the barrier.
just in the aftermath of it its beautiful to see people coming together with our music. sounds stupid and 'live aid' ish but i dont care. its a good feeling.
might leave it there for now.
off to sleep on sand, dreams and ships.
my minds been too scattered and unorganised lately like a splatter of stars in a racing galaxy.
adding to this is like spilling my thoughts and caressing my thoughts future past and present into a malleable form. i like the way it feels to pour my thoughts into the keyboard and lift the weight of the world off of my shoulders and chest.
i keep on hurting myself in stupid ways lately. yesterday i burnt my mouth on the baked beans and toast i made myself for dinner. haha yep, im man enough to call that dinner. after 6 pieces of toast i was convinced it was enough. earlier that day i also stacked in my room trying to walk over my bed - my foot got hooked on my bed sheets like hard drugs and i ended up on my bedroom floor wondering why in 18 years i could never get the hang of walking properly.
still flying that flag for the lonely and it just feels like im a bag with a whole in the bottom. and i just keep on feeling empty and drained.
i worked all last week, and i should be getting my bank filled by lots of money so i can roll in it.
after the grand final on saturday i'm kinda disappointed that geelong didn't win. gary ablett jr is such a freak at football, his team deserved to win. i just dont like buddy franklin at all, i just dont like his vibe at all.
went to prahran hotel for the work party on sunday. never drinking again. free drinks all afternoon and i became too friendly with 2 shots of bacardi 151. it smelt like metho and burnt like fire in my mouth. everyone who i bring it up with knows that its pretty much just a guarantee to be spending the next hour kneeling in a cubicle throwing up. i passed out in a bed and tried to hard to throw up though. luckily im made of steel and managed to hold it all in.
played the biggest show yet, with the getaway plan last friday.
was pretty breathtaking. the overwhelming thing was the screams of people in between the starts and ends of songs. the sound up on stage wasn't too great though, the sound i got back tended to be all warped and judging the right key was so difficult. think it showed from the feedback that the vocals were a bit off. ups and downs. no matter, the performance was a step up i think. got some amazing photos that i still cannot believe are of me when i look at them.
i felt such a rush up on that stage last friday. my heart was racing, my heartrate jacked up so high. i wore the rush like a jumper afterwards and i didnt even feel the cold outside. it felt amazing to see the familiar faces along with some new ones, singing back the words to me. some of the words wrong, haha but still singing behind the barrier.
just in the aftermath of it its beautiful to see people coming together with our music. sounds stupid and 'live aid' ish but i dont care. its a good feeling.
might leave it there for now.
off to sleep on sand, dreams and ships.
Monday, September 8, 2008
we've got a big big mess
"Take the stairs to the first bedroom you see on your left
squeeze her hand tell her you’re there, let her know that you care
empty words and compliments, whatever it takes to take off her dress
heavy breathing, lights are off, tell her lies hide you’re a mess
it’s all wrong, oh it’s all wrong
with these empty boys and empty girls, empty toys and empty worlds
and you’ve never felt this more alone, crying to your best friend on the phone
oh what a mess
ignore the stares from the eyes of the others on the side
hold your gorgeous head up high, cover your ears and block the lies
and rumour has it, that i’m a closet headcase
and sticks and stones may break my bones but words will hurt forever
I’ll lay awake and stop to think, my own mistakes took just a blink
my mouth tastes of a lack of control, lips taste of regret leave me alone
my mouth tastes of a lack of control, lips taste of regret leave me alone
with these empty boys and empty girls, empty toys and empty worlds
and you’ve never felt this more alone, crying to your best friend on the phone
oh what a mess"
squeeze her hand tell her you’re there, let her know that you care
empty words and compliments, whatever it takes to take off her dress
heavy breathing, lights are off, tell her lies hide you’re a mess
it’s all wrong, oh it’s all wrong
with these empty boys and empty girls, empty toys and empty worlds
and you’ve never felt this more alone, crying to your best friend on the phone
oh what a mess
ignore the stares from the eyes of the others on the side
hold your gorgeous head up high, cover your ears and block the lies
and rumour has it, that i’m a closet headcase
and sticks and stones may break my bones but words will hurt forever
I’ll lay awake and stop to think, my own mistakes took just a blink
my mouth tastes of a lack of control, lips taste of regret leave me alone
my mouth tastes of a lack of control, lips taste of regret leave me alone
with these empty boys and empty girls, empty toys and empty worlds
and you’ve never felt this more alone, crying to your best friend on the phone
oh what a mess"
Thursday, September 4, 2008
snowballs when i fall.
just a mental note - i try not to use any names on this blog- unless an exception is needed. its better this way and a little more secret - like 'backdoor' secret. someone knows what i mean. and no, not, like, my gay boyfriend or some shit, because he clearly refers to it as haha no...this stops right here.
another note: i wish i could invent a brand new swear word. i could probably use it right now.
control is a funny concept. some people have a lot of it, or feel like they need a lot of it. others feel they don't need to worry about it all.
me?
i feel like i'm on speed - or rather 'in' speed, the movie, and right now we're all about to get raped in the ass (alright matthias, second reference to gay terms, settle down big boy...) by the big D to the eath and we're all going to die and the bomb is going to go off and sandra bullock isn't even hot.
right now, my bus is this million dollar debt i've got next to my name. debt never looked so classy than next to my initials.
ups and downs on a roller coaster are only good if it comes back to the beginning, where you look at the slightly middle aged man who's operating the roller coaster and feel slightly put off by his combination of bad facial hair, sweaty armpit patches, and his face fixed in a 'i've made a lot of bad decisions in my life' kinda way, to then get off the ride and say 'mum i wanna go again, can i go again?' and she says 'sure son, this time do you think you can be a big boy and go by yourself without holding my hand and crying the whole time?'
or thats what i recall from last weeks family trip to luna park.
i wish i could return to the beginning of my ups and downs, or at least to stable ground where i can just wrap my head around things or wrap other things in general around other things.
things are moving too fast. too many things to do, too many people to see, and i hate disappointing people. i hate disappointment.
this "music industry/scene" is a disgrace. every time i see it it makes me want to throw up (just like i want to throw up when i see a bulimic. settle down just jokes.) and while im throwing up these awesome people in the industry find new ways to take the freshly minted money that is in my wallet, and place it in theirs. a nice spit in the face to compliment you after gracing the stage with empty words, noiseless instruments and 'lets leave while we can' melodies. maybe if we broke down we'd break down these liars.
"This is taking everything I know
to say this.
with you my heart is racing faster than ever before
when we kiss.
and these colourful chemicals run through my blood.
and this feeling of joyfulness spills in my gut.
when you walked into my life.
I can feel the beating pulse of your heart
through your hands.
flickering sun on your hair distracts me
as our eyes dance.
and these colourful chemicals run through my blood.
and this feeling of joyfulness spills in my gut.
when you walked into my life."
sweet dreams princess.
another note: i wish i could invent a brand new swear word. i could probably use it right now.
control is a funny concept. some people have a lot of it, or feel like they need a lot of it. others feel they don't need to worry about it all.
me?
i feel like i'm on speed - or rather 'in' speed, the movie, and right now we're all about to get raped in the ass (alright matthias, second reference to gay terms, settle down big boy...) by the big D to the eath and we're all going to die and the bomb is going to go off and sandra bullock isn't even hot.
right now, my bus is this million dollar debt i've got next to my name. debt never looked so classy than next to my initials.
ups and downs on a roller coaster are only good if it comes back to the beginning, where you look at the slightly middle aged man who's operating the roller coaster and feel slightly put off by his combination of bad facial hair, sweaty armpit patches, and his face fixed in a 'i've made a lot of bad decisions in my life' kinda way, to then get off the ride and say 'mum i wanna go again, can i go again?' and she says 'sure son, this time do you think you can be a big boy and go by yourself without holding my hand and crying the whole time?'
or thats what i recall from last weeks family trip to luna park.
i wish i could return to the beginning of my ups and downs, or at least to stable ground where i can just wrap my head around things or wrap other things in general around other things.
things are moving too fast. too many things to do, too many people to see, and i hate disappointing people. i hate disappointment.
this "music industry/scene" is a disgrace. every time i see it it makes me want to throw up (just like i want to throw up when i see a bulimic. settle down just jokes.) and while im throwing up these awesome people in the industry find new ways to take the freshly minted money that is in my wallet, and place it in theirs. a nice spit in the face to compliment you after gracing the stage with empty words, noiseless instruments and 'lets leave while we can' melodies. maybe if we broke down we'd break down these liars.
"This is taking everything I know
to say this.
with you my heart is racing faster than ever before
when we kiss.
and these colourful chemicals run through my blood.
and this feeling of joyfulness spills in my gut.
when you walked into my life.
I can feel the beating pulse of your heart
through your hands.
flickering sun on your hair distracts me
as our eyes dance.
and these colourful chemicals run through my blood.
and this feeling of joyfulness spills in my gut.
when you walked into my life."
sweet dreams princess.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
In loving memory.
"You're a fine gentleman.
With a cool head on your shoulders.
This was never meant to happen.
They just fast forwarded your ending.
No one, no one wants to live without you.
And right now I just cannot forget you.
But we move on, 'cause we have to.
So we move on, it's what you'd do'
Don't cry yet, don't cry yet, don't cry yet.
Till you've been laid to rest, been laid to rest.
Now the whole world's on your shoulders.
Little brother of mine.
With a cheap smile on the outside.
And a fire burning inside.
But we move on, 'cause we have to.
So we move on, it's what you'd do.
Don't cry yet, don't cry yet, don't cry yet.
Till you've been laid to rest, been laid to rest."
With a cool head on your shoulders.
This was never meant to happen.
They just fast forwarded your ending.
No one, no one wants to live without you.
And right now I just cannot forget you.
But we move on, 'cause we have to.
So we move on, it's what you'd do'
Don't cry yet, don't cry yet, don't cry yet.
Till you've been laid to rest, been laid to rest.
Now the whole world's on your shoulders.
Little brother of mine.
With a cheap smile on the outside.
And a fire burning inside.
But we move on, 'cause we have to.
So we move on, it's what you'd do.
Don't cry yet, don't cry yet, don't cry yet.
Till you've been laid to rest, been laid to rest."
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
welcome to the new administration.
'This is where we stop pretending.
Lets move towards amending.
Well I'm amazed (I saw you coming all of this time)
Well I'm amazed (I once saw you before I was blind)"
It's not perfect yet, but we'll get there.
I'm constantly to-and-fro'ing between anchors. I can't decide. And all the choices I have to make don't even amount to what I really want. Why does it happen like this? I am an island slowly drifting away from the continent, all the while others move closer towards them.
Night, take me on a journey through time and space (and sound), I need this - I need to escape.
Sweet dreams.
Lets move towards amending.
Well I'm amazed (I saw you coming all of this time)
Well I'm amazed (I once saw you before I was blind)"
It's not perfect yet, but we'll get there.
I'm constantly to-and-fro'ing between anchors. I can't decide. And all the choices I have to make don't even amount to what I really want. Why does it happen like this? I am an island slowly drifting away from the continent, all the while others move closer towards them.
Night, take me on a journey through time and space (and sound), I need this - I need to escape.
Sweet dreams.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
watermelon smiles.
Saw Panic tonight.
Pretty much just made me want to be on the other side of the barrier on the stage, singing to everyone's smiling faces.
The lights were pretty, when they came on it felt like they were in a magical forest and when they launched bubbles I remember saying 'I wish I was stoned right now'.
Up against the barrier I touched Gabe and Beckett but just for the novelty of it. Not really because I enjoy the occasional sweaty grown man or two.
'Snakes On a Plane' just made me crave a little bit of Samuel L. Jackson.
Panic's drummer Spencer got a Sinking Sea wristband, but either he was too far away or my eyesight is terrible, but I couldn't tell if he was wearing it on stage. Rove tomorrow night, or tonight rather since it is Sunday already, and I'll scope if he still has it. Can't wait to see Rove, Hamish and Andy, and Peter Heliar.
Quote of the day:
'Are you Matty from The Sinking Sea?'
My privacy is gradually deserting me like exercise, fruits and vegetables desert a fat person's lifestyle.
Something on the tip of my tongue or the back of my mind is holding me back. I can't place a finger on it. I'm treating my body like shit, hopefully gym tomorrow will save me.
I'll sleep on it.
Pretty much just made me want to be on the other side of the barrier on the stage, singing to everyone's smiling faces.
The lights were pretty, when they came on it felt like they were in a magical forest and when they launched bubbles I remember saying 'I wish I was stoned right now'.
Up against the barrier I touched Gabe and Beckett but just for the novelty of it. Not really because I enjoy the occasional sweaty grown man or two.
'Snakes On a Plane' just made me crave a little bit of Samuel L. Jackson.
Panic's drummer Spencer got a Sinking Sea wristband, but either he was too far away or my eyesight is terrible, but I couldn't tell if he was wearing it on stage. Rove tomorrow night, or tonight rather since it is Sunday already, and I'll scope if he still has it. Can't wait to see Rove, Hamish and Andy, and Peter Heliar.
Quote of the day:
'Are you Matty from The Sinking Sea?'
My privacy is gradually deserting me like exercise, fruits and vegetables desert a fat person's lifestyle.
Something on the tip of my tongue or the back of my mind is holding me back. I can't place a finger on it. I'm treating my body like shit, hopefully gym tomorrow will save me.
I'll sleep on it.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Lifting alone.
" The long days, the long nights
when you were never home
I'm sleeping by the phone.
The right smile, for the wrong girl,
did you think that this was right?
You're wasting all my time.
It's so bright, the golden light,
I hear distant lullabies,
that say everything's alright.
And sorry, don't worry,
were the excuses from your mouth,
but hell I'm still in doubt. "
when you were never home
I'm sleeping by the phone.
The right smile, for the wrong girl,
did you think that this was right?
You're wasting all my time.
It's so bright, the golden light,
I hear distant lullabies,
that say everything's alright.
And sorry, don't worry,
were the excuses from your mouth,
but hell I'm still in doubt. "
Sunday, August 17, 2008
my beginning
The start of something new.
I've decided that I don't take enough pictures, and have never had a journal or diary or anything. So this is my attempt to make up for it. This is for my thoughts, dreams, and all the other shit between (yep I'm tough I swear in blogs).
To draw a comparison to this bio from a band called Ellington:
'In five, ten, fifteen years you're racing through all your old CD’s and you find an Ellington record so you decide to give it one last spin, for memories sake. All of a sudden every moment, good or bad comes flooding back like it was just yesterday.'
In a nutshell (not cashew/ walnut/ pistachio/ brazil/ pecan/ macadamia nuts as much to everyone's disbelief, I do in fact have a weakness - I'm allergic to most nuts), I'm pretty much doing this for myself (and anyone else who actually wants to read about my life) and I'm doing the blog version of that Ellington thing up there. But if in fifteen years I'm looking back at my life and reading a blog, readers please shoot me because at that point in life, I probably would have made a lot of wrong decisions and am probably sleeping in a gutter with a laptop as a blanket (laptops are the new blankets in fifteen years) so just make it easy and end it. This is more suited to perhaps in a couple months when I feel like reading old posts so I can reminisce about the 'good ol' days', when petrol was a mere $1.44 when I filled up today.
Enough of why this blog is up.
It's been a pretty tough week, full of disappointments. Got too many assignments to do and a big lack of motivation/time/effort.
Had a few tough obstacles with the band and shows. A lot of disappointments (both people and events) but its a learning curve and I'm pretty sure I'm becoming pretty good friends with disappointment. Probably end up great friends and I'll take it out to dinner, get it drunk and hopefully move on to the 'clothing optional' part of the evening and take advantage like a real man does (joking i swear).
Saw an old friend today. He looked so different. Been eating terribly, I've had 2 good meals in the last 4 or 5 days. The rest has been junk food. My body feels terrible and its yelling at me right now. Keep on getting cramps in my legs. Can't stop spinning Paper Rival's EP in my car. Alabama and Pacing the Cage are so addictive. Probably going to fall asleep at the wheel any day now.
It's hard to sleep - everytime Xander my kitten thinks its funny to bring his latest little toy he's scavenged from around the house into my room, and has an epic battle with it (think this but kitten vs bottle cap), jumping off bookshelves and desks and my bed.
Go see 'Definetely Maybe'. Ryan Reynolds would make the best dad. The little girl who I've heard is from 'Little Miss Sunshine' is soooooo cute.
This 'living' thing kind of gets hard. I've been falling and a few specials have been picking me up. They know who they are. Tonight was special.
But in the end, I feel like they can only do so much.
'Catch yourself, catch yourself.
When others aren't enough.
When lovers aren't enough.
Catch yourself, catch yourself.'
Goodnight.
I've decided that I don't take enough pictures, and have never had a journal or diary or anything. So this is my attempt to make up for it. This is for my thoughts, dreams, and all the other shit between (yep I'm tough I swear in blogs).
To draw a comparison to this bio from a band called Ellington:
'In five, ten, fifteen years you're racing through all your old CD’s and you find an Ellington record so you decide to give it one last spin, for memories sake. All of a sudden every moment, good or bad comes flooding back like it was just yesterday.'
In a nutshell (not cashew/ walnut/ pistachio/ brazil/ pecan/ macadamia nuts as much to everyone's disbelief, I do in fact have a weakness - I'm allergic to most nuts), I'm pretty much doing this for myself (and anyone else who actually wants to read about my life) and I'm doing the blog version of that Ellington thing up there. But if in fifteen years I'm looking back at my life and reading a blog, readers please shoot me because at that point in life, I probably would have made a lot of wrong decisions and am probably sleeping in a gutter with a laptop as a blanket (laptops are the new blankets in fifteen years) so just make it easy and end it. This is more suited to perhaps in a couple months when I feel like reading old posts so I can reminisce about the 'good ol' days', when petrol was a mere $1.44 when I filled up today.
Enough of why this blog is up.
It's been a pretty tough week, full of disappointments. Got too many assignments to do and a big lack of motivation/time/effort.
Had a few tough obstacles with the band and shows. A lot of disappointments (both people and events) but its a learning curve and I'm pretty sure I'm becoming pretty good friends with disappointment. Probably end up great friends and I'll take it out to dinner, get it drunk and hopefully move on to the 'clothing optional' part of the evening and take advantage like a real man does (joking i swear).
Saw an old friend today. He looked so different. Been eating terribly, I've had 2 good meals in the last 4 or 5 days. The rest has been junk food. My body feels terrible and its yelling at me right now. Keep on getting cramps in my legs. Can't stop spinning Paper Rival's EP in my car. Alabama and Pacing the Cage are so addictive. Probably going to fall asleep at the wheel any day now.
It's hard to sleep - everytime Xander my kitten thinks its funny to bring his latest little toy he's scavenged from around the house into my room, and has an epic battle with it (think this but kitten vs bottle cap), jumping off bookshelves and desks and my bed.
Go see 'Definetely Maybe'. Ryan Reynolds would make the best dad. The little girl who I've heard is from 'Little Miss Sunshine' is soooooo cute.
This 'living' thing kind of gets hard. I've been falling and a few specials have been picking me up. They know who they are. Tonight was special.
But in the end, I feel like they can only do so much.
'Catch yourself, catch yourself.
When others aren't enough.
When lovers aren't enough.
Catch yourself, catch yourself.'
Goodnight.
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